Do you hope to get married one day? Make sure you choose wisely. Picking the wrong mate could cause you a lifetime of emotional pain and even serious health problems. Here are five types of people you don’t want to marry.
1. The adult-child "Mum's(Dad's) boy/girl"
The adult-child is an adult on the outside, but all child on the inside. This type of partner will consult
his or her parents about every major decision and only turn to you as an afterthought. And don’t even think about saying anything less than complimentary about your partner’s parents. You’ll feel the wrath as he or she fiercely defends their honor. You’ll have to walk on egg shells in order to keep the peace. Unless you want to play parent to your spouse the rest of your life, you should step away from this type of person.
Pastor and author Kevin A. Thompson said both partners must share responsibility in a relationship.
“Far too many people wanted to marry a partner, but instead, they married a child. Far too many people pledged to be a partner, but they are acting like a dependent…Marriage can be the most important and fulfilling relationship in a person’s life but it only happens when two people are equal partners. This doesn’t mean they do the same things or have the same skills. It does mean they are equally invested, equally involved, and equally responsible,” said Thompson.
2. The checkout girl/guy
You’ll recognize the checkout guy or girl after a few months. When things are going well, everything is rainbows and unicorns. You couldn’t be happier. However, once your relationship hits a rough patch, you don’t hear from him or her for days. Rather than attempting to work through problems, your partner will simply disappear. This behavior will just continue to get worse after you get hitched. After you settle in and get into the routine of married life, your checkout guy or girl suddenly has nothing interesting to say or contribute. Once the excitement of dating and engagement winds down, your partner just stops trying. Your spouse “checks out” of the relationship and lets you do the hard work of keeping the relationship afloat. Your dinners are eaten in silence and you find that you have nothing in common anymore.
A successful marriage requires give and take. Psychologist John Gottman says
"its vital for couples to make a daily effort to renew their interest in each other. He refers to this process as “turning.” Couples can either turn toward or away from each other. “Couples who engage in lots of such interaction tend to remain happy. What’s really occurring in these brief exchanges is that the husband and wife are connecting — they are human beings turning toward each other. Couples who do so are building mutual trust. Those who don’t are likely to lose their way,” said Gottman.
3. The escape artist
This partner only desires marriage so he or she can escape another situation. It could be money trouble, loneliness, or some other hidden agenda. Do your best to ask the right questions during your dates. The answers will clue you in on his or her intentions. Don’t get stuck with someone who is merely looking for a golden ticket. Psychologist and marriage and family counselor Marie Hartwell-Walker says marriage should not be used as a means to resolve a bad circumstance.
“Marrying as a solution to painful circumstances almost never leads to a good and lasting marriage. Marriages that are a conscious or unconscious way out of a difficult situation don’t have the staying power that comes with mature love, shared values, and a commitment to the future by two mature adults,” says Hartwell-Walker.
4.The hot Tempered "The Volcano"
Psychologist Steven Stonsy said angry people tend to have a sense of entitlement. “Resentful and angry people see themselves as merely reacting to an unfair world. They often feel offended by what they perceive as a general insensitivity to their ‘needs.’ As a result, they are likely to feel attacked by any attempt to point out the ways in which they are unfair, much less the effects of their behavior or others,” said Stonsy.
5. The player
“All relationships are based on trust. If you don’t trust a person, you can’t be intimate with them. If they don’t trust you, they can’t be intimate with you. So, if you’re in a relationship where there’s no trust, then you have no relationship. What you have is more of an acquaintanceship — two people going through the motions of a relationship but without the real emotions of a relationship. Like love, trust is a gift,” said Johnson.
Credit: Cheatsheet
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